Why the new Flying Spur is the big, fat Bentley that makes me go grrr...

 A Bentley should be as good to look at as anything that dares climb out of it, which for decades was indisputably the case, but not any more

Bentley: posh but not posh,  don’t you think? Isn’t that the masterstroke? I’ve had several, and – as you’ll be well aware – I’m not posh at all.


And please don’t think I’m bragging; I’m just stating that I have a rather large soft spot for the brand.
My first Bentley was a beautiful old T2 that I bought for £25,000 circa 1995. She was Brewster green, with green leather and tinted windows.

And I absolutely loved her. I took her on a golfing tour of the Isle of Man, during which, unfortunately, she developed a potentially terminal issue and nearly conked out on the way home.
I just about managed to nurse her back to Jack Barclay’s Nine Elms branch, where the manager said, ‘What would you like to do? It would probably be cheaper to put her out of her misery than attempt to bring her back to life.’
I called my bank and enquired as to the state of the current Evans balance, which to my utter surprise was far rosier than I’d imagined it might be.
Not only did I have enough to fix her up, but I was only a few of Her Majesty’s finest English pounds short of the price of the brand new Bentley Brooklands sitting out front on the forecourt.
‘What the heck – let’s do this thing!’ I said.

There is a resplendent walnut dash, faultless coachwork and swish and sophisticated two-tone trim... Absolutely beautiful

I traded in the old T2 in part-ex, and an hour later was behind the wheel of the most expensive consumer purchase of my life thus far – and back in the red as a result.
But I didn’t care. I loved every inch of my new chariot. I thought she was the most magnificent motor car I’d ever sat in – although this opinion wasn’t shared by a number of my mates.

My period Brooklands was the beginning of Bentley going off the boil.
Whereas its models had always been sportier and generally far less flowery than Rollers, this was the moment they began to lose their mojo.
Sure, there’s been the Continental GT since, but that’s never really been a Bentley in my eyes; more a mass-produced gym bunny that’s spent too many hours in the weights room.
Having said that, I bought its four-door bro the Continental Flying Spur a few years back, but I never liked the way it looked or how it drove.
As recently as last year I succumbed again, falling for a black Mulsanne.

She delivers a stunning driving experience. I was early into work every one of the four mornings I decided to take her

Excellence personified, pure shameless joy. Yet there was a problem. Each day her bulk seemed bigger and bigger, until it began to make London look like a model village. She had to go.
So here we sit with the marque’s latest form, and, oh goodness me, what can I say? Is no one at Bentley aware of how amazing and classy its cars used to look and just don’t any more?
The Corniche, the R Type, the S series… What a lineage – and what have they done to her rear end this time? She looks like a hulking great Bristol on a bad day. Never a good thing. 

Come on now – there’s only so much lack of finesse and form that famous GT grille can make up for (a ploy that’s wearing thin, by the way).
OK, she goes like stink – I mean, really punchy, with truckloads of torque and over 600hp. In fact, she delivers a stunning driving experience. I was early into work every one of the four mornings I decided to take her.
There’s also further evidence of the artisan brilliance of the boys and girls at Bentley via the resplendent walnut dash, faultless coachwork and swish and sophisticated two-tone trim, cut and stitched so sharply that I almost felt any naked flesh left out on display might be in danger of laceration. Absolutely beautiful.

Where's the combination of elegance and power gone? Where's the sleekness of old?

For those intending to spend most of their time as a passenger there’s also little cause for complaint, with bags of space and enough gadgets and gizmos to put even the most power-crazy control  freak at ease.
Like the individual work and entertainment stations for both rear passengers, including separate DVD players, Wi-Fi and a pop-out smartphone-style handset that gives the owner control over basically everything except the windscreen wipers.
And littered around the cabin are several hugely anti-PC cigar lighters, along with an outrageously eccentric walnut-veneered sunglasses case that slots triumphantly into the matching  central console.
But as impressive as all this is, it can never make up for the fact that the car really is quite terrible to behold.

  

Countless Bentleys from the past cross the auction blocks of the world on a weekly basis, having had potential bidders salivating like rabid dogs for weeks on end before the sale. Isn’t this what we want from Bentley?
A Bentley should be as good to look at as anything that dares climb out of it, which for decades was indisputably the case, but not any more.
Where’s the combination of elegance and power gone? Where’s the sleekness of old? It’s like Rolls and Bentley have swapped places, with the Ghost emerging as the unlikely winner.
I can only presume either the agenda at Bentley has changed, or the design department need to do what I did this week, and go and have a consultation for laser eye treatment.
The new Flying Spur is a frustrated superstar trapped in the body of a much more portly and hammy wannabe who needs to be dragged off the stage as soon as possible.
And there’s one final conundrum. Bentley has produced the most powerful four-door driver’s car of all time, yet in its No 1 market, China, most will be chauffeur-driven. What’s that about?
Plus, the average speed in Beijing is just seven miles an hour. This means there’s a whole extra 193mph that will remain forever untouched.
Welling up yet? Me too.

It's like Rolls and Bentley have swapped places, with the Ghost emerging as the unlikely winner

 

Bentley Flying Spur for over £140,000 - but...

TECH SPEC

£140,900, bentleymotors.com
Engine Six-litre twin turbo
Transmission Eight-speed automatic
Power 616hp
0-60mph 4.3 seconds
Top speed 200mph
Fuel consumption 19mpg
CO2 emissions 343g/km (£490/year tax band)

AND THE VERDICT?

‘No amount of luxury and gadgets can alter the fact that this car is terrible to behold’

DRIVE TALKING

WHAT'S HOT ON THE ROAD THIS WEEK

With Nick Bagot

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